Barbara Baroff Kavanagh, MSW, LCSW

‘Tis the season for parties and presents, but not for everyone. No sooner do you get through Thanksgiving, and you are hearing Christmas songs. There is no recovery time between Holidays. Everywhere you turn there are things to buy online and in shops, elaborate decorations to put up and ads showing happy families sitting around their ‘picture-perfect’ dining room tables. It certainly doesn’t look like my home, and maybe not yours!

In the first year after hearing those terrible words: “You have cancer”, patients and caregivers will often try too hard to keep up their usual traditions and commitments. This can put a great deal of stress on both. The patients feel guilty because they can’t help, or they are depressed and not in a holiday mood. Friends and family often feel awkward…they don’t know what to do or feel uncomfortable for being happy. Whether it is the first year or, hopefully, several years, you will need to find your own sense of balance.  I have been blessed with 27 years of caregiving. I have learned so much from the many caregivers that I’ve met over the years, so here is a list of some of my favorite Tips for Surviving and Enjoying the Holidays:

  • Say “No” whenever you or your patient are invited to a holiday event that would be too stressful physically and/or emotionally to attend.
  • Say “Yes” when a friend or family member offers to do the Christmas dinner, extends help to you with your holiday shopping, or just gives you the day off from your usual responsibilities.
  • Division of labor is another way to reduce holiday stress! Share the holiday get together planning and give everyone an assignment of what to bring or do!
  • Don’t feel that you have to read that long Xmas letter from someone you haven’t seen in years and hardly remember.
  • Plan ahead so that you don’t get overwhelmed. You can make a reservation at a restaurant or go to a hotel for the Holidays…there is no ‘rule’ that you have to do what you have always done!
  • Do something that you and your loved one can enjoy together or with your family…maybe just staying home, eating ‘take out’, watching your favorite movie, playing games, or staying in your pajamas all day.
  • Remember to take care of your spiritual and physical self.
  • Cancer Caregivers and patients may find it very calming to focus on that aspect of the Holidays. Spiritual beliefs can bring renewed hope to those dealing with cancer.

Each of us responds differently to this new life. Cancer is there when we go to sleep at night and when we wake up in the morning. Our goal is to find balance and make our own rules.                                                                                                                               A wise friend once told me: ‘Just remember to breathe!’

Thank You AARP Colorado for inviting me to share my Cancer Caregivers Blog in 2019. I hope that all of you will stay in touch with me and our amazing caregivers from all over the U.S. and Europe. Together, we will continue to grow our Cancer Caregivers Community!

Wishing you all Peace, Love, and Joy in the New Year!

Warm Regards,


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